Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Two girls

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."
—Romans 12:15

Two beautiful baby girls were born this week to friends of mine. Tomorrow, one will go home and one will undergo her first open-heart surgery.

I am rejoicing and mourning, celebrating and crying; I am a jumbled mess of emotions as one baby girl reminds me of all we've gone through with Luke and the other baby girl reminds me of what I grieve.

I grieve not having Luke sleep in my recovery room after he was born. I grieve having to hear NICU monitors beeping and dinging as I fed my baby for the first time. I grieve not getting to bring my baby home 24-48 hours after delivery. I grieve having to do a car seat test before we could take him home.

And yet Roger and I have this beautiful boy who makes us laugh, who sings "God is so good to me", who tests my patience and exerts his will.

I am going to visit my new "niece" today. She is healthy and pink and ready to go home. I so much want to rejoice with my friend today without the mourning sneaking in, but the two are intertwined. Because there is this other baby girl who has a piece of my heart, a sweet baby with a broken heart.

It is important for me today not to let my emotions rule, to leave it at "It's just not fair". All that will do is subtract from Who God is. I have to let Truth rule, so I thought I would write down what I know to be true.
  • God knit both of these babies in their wombs
  • God didn't make a mistake with either of these babies
  • God wasn't surprised that one baby was healthy and the other was not
  • God doesn't love one baby more than the other
  • God has a unique purpose for both of these babies
  • God doesn't see "healthy" and "sick" — He sees His beloved creation, His daughters
  • We have a God that mourns with us and rejoices with us. He is accessible!
  • God will provide for both families exactly what they need
  • There will be a time when we won't know sickness and disease
I still feel jumbled, but God will meet me where I am, give me the grace to rejoice and the hope the endure the mourning.


  1. Jesse,
    You are so good with words and every time I read your blog, I feel enriched! It's always "just what I needed to hear". Thank you for offering this, we all feel the same which is such a blessing...I too mourn much of Maddie's birth experience and first months of her life. It does feel unfair but you are so right in that God doesn't see it that way...thank you for providing this insight for us who also struggle with these feelings.

  2. God is never surprised! Sometimes it's hard to remember that, but it's very reassuring when we totally "get" it, isn't it?

    We will pray for your new little heart friend. xo