Luke woke up at 1:30 today from his nap and we snuggled for a bit before going downstairs to get him ready to go to Nana's house for the afternoon. I thought his color looked a little off, but didn't think much about it as I fed him lunch and changed his diaper. A few minutes after my mom came into the house, I asked her if she thought Luke looked blue. She said that was the first thing she noticed but she didn't want to say anything right away. The area around his lips and his hands looked bluer than I've ever seen, so I called Dr. Stefanelli's office. I talked to our nurse and she said she would call Dr. S. and call me back. At this point, my heart rate had picked up and my knees started to shake. It's just been so long since Luke has given us a "scare".
Our nurse called back and said that as long as the inside of his mouth and his sternal area don't look blue, Dr. S. isn't worried. She said we were welcome to come by for a sat check if we wanted, but it's pretty common for heart kids to have perfusion inconsistencies after sleeping, if they're cold, or coming down with something. What scared me is that we just don't see that in Luke. His color is a really consistent pink.
Roger came home from school to help me decide if we should take him in, but by the time he got here, Luke had seemed to pink up (hard to tell after staring at him for so long!) and showed no other desaturation symptoms, such as respiratory distress. He was playful and happy to head to Nana's.
In one instant, I was brought face to face with all my fears and the absolute reality of Luke's heart that is so different from yours and mine. When we were in the hospital with Luke, facing those fears was the norm. But in this stable stage of our journey, seeing Luke show visual signs of his heart defect felt like being knocked in the head with a 2x4.
Today I was reminded that Luke is on loan, he is not ours and that God is Sovereign. And when I stop and think about it, that's an o.k. place to be.